ODJ: martyrville
November 16, 2011
Why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? (v.3).
READ: Matthew 7:1-5
A person recently lamented to me, “I don’t get it. Why do all my relationships keep breaking down? I want to get along better with my family and have closer friendships, but I find myself in nearly impossible circumstances over and over again.”
This person sounded so helpless. The pull to console him was strong, but it’s not what he needed at that moment. You see, this person didn’t realize—until I suggested it—that he was playing the martyr. He was oblivious to having slipped into a “Woe is me” mindset. For his own good, he needed a dose of truth spoken in love (Ephesians 4:15).
We’ve all been there. We see ourselves as the only one who is hurt and struggling in a relationship (or at least our pain is what matters the most). Yet the truth is that we’re adding to the problem more than we know. It’s a mindset that only breeds more feelings of helplessness—and it needs to be challenged and called out.
If we find ourselves camped in “Martyrville,” we’re not really as stuck as we think. There’s another mindset to adopt that can start to counter our helpless feelings. Jesus taught us to be concerned first and foremost with our “I” problem before we address our friend’s problem. He said, “First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye” (Matthew 7:3-5).
It’s a matter of perspective that might not immediately change our circumstances, but it can get us unstuck from a helpless way of thinking. It can provide the groundwork for us to move forward in our relationships with others.
Feeling helpless? Don’t play the martyr. Prayerfully consider your own words and actions as you seek healthy relationships. —Jeff Olson
How have you been playing the martyr in a relationship? Why is it vital to realize that your pain is not the most important pain in the universe?
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