The Rudder of All “Ships”

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By Eugene Seah, Singapore

When we talk about “ships” here, we are not talking about the vehicular vessels, but the relational vessels— relationships—that we are all on. Our relationships include friendship, kinship, boyfriend-girlfriend-relationship (BGR), husband-wife relationship, etc. And the focus of this article is friendship.

Rather than spilling out a list of no-brainer characteristics and thoughts about the topic, the following 3 questions might just pique your thoughts on the issue. Let’s see if we shared any similar opinions.

1. What makes a good/best friend?
Think of your best friend and what makes him/her the best.

• Loyal?
• Shared interests?
• On-call 24/7 in good and bad times?
• Unassuming in his/her time given and care shown?
• Happy for me in good times, and feels with me in bad times?
• Willing to rebuke me when needed, and shares with me his/her sorrows and joys?
• Silence is comfortable and not awkward? (I totally agree with this point highlighted by my friend!)
• One whom I can appear in uncoordinated drapery?
• Others.

2. Are you spoilt for choice?

• I guess many of the characteristics mentioned above can be found—perhaps not in one particular friend—but in many different friends.
• Also, in different seasons of our lives, our physical circumstances such as place of residence may change. In this new land, we have fresh challenges and trials. By God’s grace and providence, we form new friendships to encourage and support each other. Of course, thankfully, our physically distant friends could still support us via the Internet.
• Different friends meet us at different times and needs.

3. How can you be a better friend?

To the qualities of a good friend stated in question 1, how many could be said of you?
Some ideas shared by a few peers during a time of fellowship are:

• Spending more time to show care and concern
• Praying for them

A couple of thoughts that surfaced are:

• Best = perfect?

We must NOT equate “best friend” with “perfect friend” because “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23). If we expect zero imperfections in our friend, then we are simply demanding the impossible from our friend and it will add immense pressure on the friendship.

• Dependence?

In every earthly relationship, our source of dependence must always be God. If we depend solely on one another for love, strength, hope and joy, how insecure is that? This may even lead to possessiveness. Let us not “squeeze” and stifle our friendships by our unreasonable expectations. Let us look to the Provider Jesus Christ to meet all our needs. In Him, we are secured. In Him, our relationships shall stem and bloom for His glory.

What if the other party is a non-Christian?
Pray for their hearts to be open to Jesus and for you to be able to share Christ’s amazing love with them. Pray.

• Ultimate friendship?

Regardless of whether we have one or many or no best friend, know that we have a Friend in Jesus Christ. “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friend . . . I (Jesus Christ) have called you friends” (John 15:13,15b niv).

Take a look at the third question once more.
If spending more time with your earthly pals is on your list, then how much time shall we devote to spend with God? Are we spending time with the Friend who loves us so much that He died on the cross for us? If praying for our earthly friends is also on your list, then are we praying? Do you desire to commune with Him or are you more interested in getting the answer to your prayers?

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The rudder is the ship’s steering device. According to Genesis, Man is created first and foremost to have a relationship with God and then with one another. Where will our earthly relation-ships go without their rudders (i.e. our heavenly relationship with God Himself)? The Bible is replete with examples. Can you name a few?