Reflection: Self-Esteem—What Does the Bible Say?

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By Ian Gustafson, 19, Michigan USA

It’s no secret that a healthy dose of self-esteem is one of the keys to living a successful life. If we think of ourselves as worthless, we will end up becoming “worthless” because we start behaving like one—unproductive and unmotivated. But there is another extreme. The world (through media, education, and sometimes even religion) often condones unhealthy self-esteem. An unhealthily high opinion of oneself may include the idea that you can become anything you want to be and do anything you want to do. This might sound great but a good, solid self-esteem needs to be built upon a realistic look at our strengths and weaknesses, and not on some groundless optimism.

While a low self-esteem causes unproductivity, an unhealthily high self-esteem leads to arrogance. It leads to unfair expectations of others, which might cause one to dismiss our need for relationships with them. Worst of all, it prompts us to ignore our need for a relationship with God.

So, where does a bad self-image come from? In Exodus 20:5, Moses spoke of how a child could be negatively impacted by the actions of his or her parents. Today, those who were abused or neglected as children might suffer from depression, addiction, or insecurity. Many who have been hurt in the past avoid emotional intimacy because they’re scared of being hurt once more. What’s truly tragic about this is the endless cycle People feel bad and in response act worse which results in them feeling bad. The vicious cycle continues.

A casual reading of the Bible might cause one to think that it doesn’t have anything to say about the subject of bad self-image. In fact, it would seem that the Bible tends to think that everyone already has great love for himself or herself. “Love your neighbor as yourself” is repeated almost a dozen times. And the truth is that everyone really does have great love for themselves. When we’re hungry, we eat. When we’re thirsty, we drink. When we’re tired, we sleep. The time we put into grooming ourselves alone screams how much we care about ourselves. Surely we wouldn’t put so much money into our appearance and comfort if we had no love for ourselves. Not only do we love ourselves, we are also self-centered by nature.
That’s not to say that a lack of proper self-esteem isn’t a problem. As ironic as it seems, our love for ourselves (in particular the craving to measure up to human standards rather than God’s) is a leading cause of bad self-image.

How should we feel about ourselves then? In Romans 12:3-7, Paul writes, “Because of the privilege and authority God has given me, I give each of you this warning: Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us. Just as our bodies have many parts and each part has a special function, so it is with Christ’s body. We are many parts of one body, and we all belong to each other.

 In his grace, God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well. So if God has given you the ability to prophesy, speak out with as much faith as God has given you. If your gift is serving others, serve them well. If you are a teacher, teach well.”

Paul discouraged his readers from believing that they could do anything they wanted to do, or that they could be anything they wanted to be. Instead, Paul encouraged them to have a sobriety about themselves that was rooted in self-control. He asked them to think of themselves as people who understood their dependence on one another and God.

Additionally, the Bible teaches us to “die” to ourselves. Meaning, we are to hate our selfish sin nature. We don’t have reason to feel good about ourselves as long as we live only for ourselves. God created us to serve Him and to feel great in doing so. Because this is our purpose, we will feel empty when we try to fill our personal void by serving anything or anyone other than God.

Many people serve themselves by acquiring material goods. However, by placing our value on material things, we end up feeling bad about ourselves if we don’t compare well with others. Keep in mind that this doesn’t mean material goods are evil in and of themselves. In fact, they can be cultivated and appreciated when biblical values indicate that it’s appropriate.

Biblical wisdom tells us we are made in the likeness of God and are His most precious creations. However, because we’ve been contaminated by moral depravity, this prompts us to feel bad about ourselves, as well as feel good about bad things and bad about good things!

Trusting Jesus as Savior and Lord and being honest with ourselves will enable us to say, “By the grace of God I am what I am (1 Corinthians 15:10). God made me. Christ saved me. And that makes me a person of great worth!”

This reflection is based on the Discovery Series booklet Self-Esteem: What Does The Bible Say? by Mart De Haan. Read the Discovery Series booklet here.