The Pattern: A Thank You Note

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The year was 1995. I was 11. I thought my world had come to an end when my father died. I found myself questioning God, asking why He planned this for me. And with my father’s death, I thought that my dream of visiting or studying in America would remain forever as only an illusive dream.

Life was hard after his demise. At 18, I studied in the afternoons and taught expatriate children living in Indonesia in the evenings. At the end of the day, I was totally exhausted. However I continued to hold on to my dreams. And then came my big break. The organization I was then working with, decided to send me and four other Indonesian youths on an all-expense paid trip to the United States of America for a cultural exchange program. It was to be for an entire month. I knew with all my heart that I would never have been able to afford it on my own—even if I should save up months and months of my salary.

“I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible” (Matthew 17:20 NLT).

I simply loved America. I looked for ways to return even if it seemed impossible. I applied for a Fulbright scholarship while continuing to work hard. That year, I didn’t get the scholarship. I asked God yet again why He planned this for me.

“He ensures that orphans and widows receive justice. He shows love to the foreigners living among you and gives them food and clothing” (Deuteronomy 10:18).

The next year, Fulbright called me up saying that they would like to nominate me for the scholarship again. Next thing I knew, I got the scholarship. This fatherless girl with a big dream is heading to America for the second time, all-expenses paid, to study. One more dream came to pass. I started to see the pattern: for every tear that falls down, there are abundant blessings when it dries up. He is my Comforter.

During the first 14 months in America, I had the time of my life. I aced my exams and made the honor roll at the end of my studies. I now have a new dream: I wish to start a scholarship foundation for Indonesian students. I also had a wonderful boyfriend, supportive supervisors, awesome instructors, and reliable friends.

However, I knew I had to go back to Indonesia one day. Hence, my boyfriend and I made many plans. But we were still young; we made poor choices and the relationship suffered. Eventually, we broke up. I’ve not experienced a heartbreak so severe since my father passed away. To add salt to the wound, I was unemployed. I cried myself to sleep every night and the tears flowed again when I woke up. But amidst the heartaches, He is my refuge.

I thank my friends who encouraged me through the storms. Nobody can see the future, but I can now see a pattern—I know I’ll come back better and stronger with Him by my side. The best is yet to come.

“Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning” (Psalm 30: 5).

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