ODJ: family feud
November 14, 2010
I call on the God of our ancestors . . . to serve as a judge between us (v.53).
READ: Genesis 31:17-55
A Sicilian man wasn’t a criminal, but he asked police to arrest and jail him. When local authorities refused, he entered a nearby store and swiped a pack of gum. Then he threatened the store clerk and waited for the cops to show up! His motive? He was trying to avoid spending time with his relatives on New Year’s Eve.
Some of us can relate to this guy—we’re willing to do almost anything to evade certain family members. But avoidance rarely offers lasting peace.
Fed up with his father-in-law, Jacob packed up his family and vanished without leaving a forwarding address. When Laban finally caught up with them, he scolded Jacob for leaving so suddenly. Then, “Jacob became very angry, and he challenged Laban” (Genesis 31:36). Since his attempt to tiptoe away had failed, Jacob realized there was no way around an honest discussion of past (and present) offenses with the father of his wives.
Rehashing wrongs only intensifies our urge to escape, unless forgiveness is involved. Jacob had to forgive Laban for manipulating him relationally (29:25) and in business matters (31:7). And Laban had to forget about his missing idols (v.30) and the farewell party he never got to host (v.27). With their issues in the open, the two men promised not to harm each other (v.52). Instead of distancing himself, Jacob had taken a step closer to Laban, agreeing to leave his grievances in God’s hands. Laban reciprocated and asked God to be their judge (v.53).
In the end, Laban kissed his kin and blessed them (v.55). While not every family feud has a tidy resolution, there is a better chance for harmony when we stop avoiding our family issues, face the hard work of forgiveness, and call a truce with the relatives we’d rather renounce. —Jennifer Benson Schuldt
How might you handle a family disagreement with someone who isn’t willing to discuss it openly? Why is running away from family disputes counterproductive? How does God view our disputes?
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