The day God growled at me

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By Jonathan Berman, Sri Lanka

It’s been too long since I’d been on a family vacation to a place other than our little “retreat cottage” in the hills. The last time we left the comfort of our home and went on the road was nearly four years ago. Sure, we spend ample amount of time around each other but there is always something new to learn especially when you take a trip to an unknown place with your family.

This time the lesson was personal. It was a quarrel, and it wasn’t with my father or was it with my mother, or even my sister for that matter. It was my personal conflict with God—my heavenly Father who I had so conveniently left out of my life.

So, here I was with my family, at the entrance to Sri Lanka’s national wildlife reserve, YALA, famous for a species of leopards endemic to Sri Lanka. I was told that in “normal” circumstances, it would be highly unlikely that one will see a leopard. According to some people, professional wildlife experts frequent the reserves but many have yet to see any leopards. However, the guide who was driving our safari jeep said, “In the last few weeks, including this week, there were many leopard sightings. It is peak season and I have shown visitors a leopard every morning.”

Long story short, he was dead sure we would see one. Seeing that I had a camera in my hand, he added, “You will definitely be able to get some awesome pictures.”

Well, I personally don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting to get THAT photo! Every photographer out there would understand! I mean… hey… endemic leopard to Sri Lanka, so widely spoken of! Who wouldn’t want that shot! I badly wanted to get that picture, but at what cost? What was my real motive to take the picture?

And this is where my quarrel with God comes in.

Early in the morning we headed out to the reserves and the heavens opened up with rain showers pouring down. The guide was shocked, he said in a surprised tone, “We have not seen a drop of rain in the past three months.”

Lo and behold, the day WE go to see the leopards, God decides to send rain! Oh and in case you didn’t know, Leopard Hunting 101: LEOPARDS DON’T COME OUT WHEN IT RAINS! BECAUSE THEY DON’T LIKE TO GET WET!

I bet you must be able to imagine my blood pumping right? Here I stand at the entrance to the wildlife reserve, and God conveniently decides to send rain! Simply amazing.

I instantly did what I think most normal human would do. I got angry and blamed God. I spoke to God in my thoughts and lamented, “Here I am trying my best to understand my faith and understand You and this is what You do to me? Could you have picked a better time to deal with me?!”

Just then, as with any movie of such a situation, there was a low rumbling growl of thunder. And in anguish, I said out loud, “Ok, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean the things I said! But seriously, why?”

I really struggled.

Other jeeps went in, we held back, unsure of what to do. However after a few minutes of deliberation, the guide said, “We could try and wait till afternoon after the water dried up, and maybe there might be a chance of seeing the leopard coming out to sun himself.”

So, we continued on with the safari tour and I was given time to think about what was happening.

I asked myself: Doesn’t this trip mean more than just wanting that shot? Wasn’t spending time together as a family the main purpose of the trip? And more than that, isn’t this supposed to be a chance for me to reconnect with God, who is the creator of my life and of everything, even the leopard?

Yet, God became the target of my frustration.

As thoughts rushed through my mind, I realized that there were many lessons I could actually learn from the situation. At one point I switched my camera off and simply gazed at God’s creation before me.

As I continued pondering about my “break down”, I realized that maybe God was trying to test me to see if I would still love Him and still hold true to Him even if I didn’t see the leopard. All He wanted to know was if I would love Him, regardless of receiving the deepest desires of my selfish heart.

We returned after that morning’s trip without seeing a leopard. However, we still had before us a trip in the evening. We might see a leopard then. But the morning’s rain cloud still hovered over our enthusiasm. Well, I knew my enthusiasm for photography had dwindled, but my renewal in God was fresh and was all ready to capture every tiny detail of God’s wonder. Just then, the verse in Psalm 139:14 came to my mind: “I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are Your works; my soul knows it very well.”

Evening came and we set off. This time it was just my Mum, my Sister and I. We set out with our hopes of seeing the leopard. Silently I prayed, “Lord, if seeing the leopard is Your will then let it be. If not, it’s still Your will, and I will be thankful.”

I let go.

I literally let go of my trigger finger from the shutter button. I let go of my desire to see the leopard and decided to appreciate everything that would come my way and see it as time well spent with my family.

And it was then that God surprised me. He let my eyes, my heart and even my lens capture the beauty and majesty of His creation. He set it all up.

The rain, the quarrel and the thoughts were all a part of His way of preparing me to see what I saw.

Now, not a day goes by when I don’t remember the awe. I saw the leopard.

The golden wild cat, spotted perfectly as God intended, walked majestically into plain view. And at one point, I’m sure it was telling me, “Hey Jonathan, the rain was God’s way of bringing me out to dry myself. What you thought was a disappointment was His way of teaching you to trust Him. ”

What a great lesson it was that the creator God has taught me!

Yala Leopard, Jonathan Berman © 2010 April