In The Face of Despair

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Reported by Carmel, 22, Beijing

On May 10, 2010, Xiao Zhu, a 17-year-old high school student, wrote a message in blood on the bathroom wall before jumping out the window of the fifth floor toilet at his school.

His last words read: “I have decided to drop all—be it things which I can and cannot let go. For it’s in vain that we tried to hold on. Ten thousand years is a long, long time. Grandpa, I’m sorry.”

Xiao Zhu later died in the hospital from serious injuries.

At just 7 months old, Xiao Zhu’s father passed away. His mother suffered from mental instability after his father’s death and since then, he has been taken care of by his maternal grandparents.

He had always been a good student and even managed to top his classes. He was not one to be boisterous but possessed a quiet character. However, he told his grandfather that he wanted to stop studying, because school was just too pressurizing. The family also struggled financially while most students around Xiao Zhu were rich.

Having come from such a difficult family background, the recent suicide of Xiao Zhu caught much more attention than expected. The biggest question among the rest was: “What exactly led to Xiao Zhu’s death?”

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Additional Thoughts by Rachel Ang, 21, Singapore

Often, in our most disheartened moments, we almost always feel that we are alone. The vast outcomes of stress as promoted by sensational media suggest that psychological states of depression are “okay.” Suicide is by some means an escape route that merely gives hype to a “story”. But for us as believers, is the Bible silent about despair?

Despondency is not absent within God’s Word. The apostle Paul writes, “For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself” (1 Corinthians 1:8b). The writer of Ecclesiastes says, “So I turned about and gave my heart up to despair over all the toil of my labors under the sun” (Ecclesiastes 2:20). The psalms of the great King David and other singers speak often of overwhelming sorrows and troubles, lurking dangers and unbearable suffering.

The problems that these people faced drove them to despair. But they did not give up their lives, because they knew there was someone always near them that they could find hope in: God.

Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this:
The faithful love of the Lord never ends!
His mercies never cease.
Great is His faithfulness;
His mercies begin afresh each morning.
Lamentations 3:21-23

We can cling on to the hope of our God’s unchanging love for us. He is faithful, and so we can trust Him to keep the promises of goodness He has made in His Word. “ ‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ says the Lord. ‘They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope’ ” (Jeremiah 29:11).

Personally, I am comforted by the knowledge that the very pair of divine arms that hold my life and future belong to the One who created me according to His purpose and glory. When I’m down, I’m reminded that God is so much bigger than any situation I might find myself in, and that He is the mighty Savior (Zephaniah 3:17) who will carry me through. Like the Psalmist, I could also declare confidently:

My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak,
but God remains the strength of my heart;
He is mine forever.
Psalm 73:26

Despair can indeed be very disheartening. But yet greater is our God, and the hope that we are able to find in Him.

If you are facing similar difficulties, below are a few links to articles that may be helpful to you. Please do not hesitate to approach people who can help. Remember God is with you, and this is not the end.

Useful Links:
1. How can I go on living when I feel like I just want to die?
2. Should I be concerned about this cloud of hopelessness that seems to hang over me?
3. Happy in hope. Patient in pain. Constant in prayer.

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