Why Are Close Friendships Especially Difficult in Church?
By Poh Fang Chia
Someone once asked me, “I’ve been in this church for more than six years. But I can’t name a single close friend. Why is it that we could spend innumerous time together in church, camps and Bible-study group, yet not forge any genuine friendship with anyone?” Perhaps, you have the same question: Why are close friendships especially difficult in church?
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Why are close friendships especially difficult in church?
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Why Are Close Friendships Especially Difficult in Church?
By Poh Fang Chia Someone once asked me, “I’ve been in this church for more than six years. But I can’t name a single close friend. Why is it that we could spend innumerous time together in church, camps and Bible-study group, yet not forge any genuine friendship with anyone?” Perhaps, you have the same [...]
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well i think its coz most of the time we see the better side of the people-i mean the happier side .Think about it almost everyone goes to church in their sunday best.And when we see them like this its easier to assume that their life is ok and that they have a wonderful group of friends to laugh with.So we just end up talking on a casual bassis thinking that they have a better group of friends to go to later on
Well, if you ask me. Maybe you’ve yet to know them well enough. Spend more time with them, get to know them better. Because for me, my church friends are the my closest groups of friends. We do not only meet for cell, youth, sunday services or even camp. We do go out for lunch, movies, just hanging around. And that is when, we start to realise then each one us have our own personal problem, and we get together to pray for each other. When one is joyful, every one rejoices, and when one is down, everyone comforts each other. Church friends are people whom you know you can always rely on as they have GOD in them! So pray that God will strengthen your friendships in church as you are going to be with them till eternity
I face the same problem with this question… When I try to get closer to them, I feel like a stranger among them.. they always talk about something that I don’t know.. it’s hard for me to take a part in their conversation.. sometimes I will ask myself “should I find another better church?” but I think that’s not the decision that God want me to do..
I always try to know them more.. join all the events that they held.. I expect one day they will know that I really want to be their kin in Christ..^^
yeah, I also have that same problems..
Hi,
I read the following poem and quote in an old Our Daily Bread article recently which I find particularly helpful:
I went outside to find a friend
But could not find one there;
I went outside to be a friend,
And friends were everywhere! —Payne
Friends are seldom found; they are made. —Wentworth
May these words of wisdom encourage you as they have encouraged me.
thanks for the encouragement..
but, how do we start to be a friend while the other aren’t welcome us to be their friend?
You can be a friend to those who are “loner-ing” around too.
In every place, whether churches or schools or wherever, just as long as a community exist, there are always bound to be lonely people
You can pray and ask God to open your eyes to who aer those that are lonely as well.. Then u can attempt to make friends with them.
And of course, prayer always works when you pray for something like godly friendships:)
christian friendships are vital to building up a church’s unity, so take heart and pray for a good friend! [well, i was a loner for like nearly 7 years in church with no good friends or if not people whom i could talk to gradually left the church or disappeared but after praying for a friend for a couple of years, God answered. and i must say that his the blessings of christian friendships that He gives is really abundant..even up till now, it's flowing and i can't help but thank God for church friends very frequently:)]
The answer might take some time but never ever give up even though the process is going to be really tough..I can totally understand understand it. Always turn back to God when ever loneliness/self-pity sets in..Pray andI’m very sure that God will answer!
Meanwhile, instead of trying to always look for circle of friends to join, u can change your focus and look for areas of service to participate..
I realise that the more you participate in church activities (or not just church activities but work related to the kingdom of God generally), the more people you’ll know. And with that, you’ll be able to find mroe like-minded christians who can be your source of fellowship and support…
At the same time, participating in areas of service in church enables me to take my mind away from self-pity and feelings of loneliness. It helps me to always to look up to God.
Actually I’ve kind of learnt over the years that God can turn loneliness into something very very essential for our human growth.
Through bouts of such times, God is actually reminding me that He is all that I need. Friendships are essential, yes but supplementary only in comparison to our relationship with Christ!
And being a loner can really be nice and enjoyable especially when your heart and mind is filled with thoughts and thanksgiving towards God!
Sometimes it is even more awesome than having a group of people surrounding you..haha..
Thank you for the wonderful sharing. It means a great deal to the YMI community.
Poh Fang
thanks mel… your beautiful sharing really remind me that I almost forget that I have the dearest and the best friend in my life. He is our awesome Jesus.^^
I notice that this world’s friendship is only a place to find people’s care and love.mostly,it’s full of dishonesty, limitation, and not eternal. some people like to making friends just because of the purpose that beneficial to them…
But I’m so lucky… I still have the truly and totally pure friendship in Jesus..
I really agree with you that being a loner can really be nice and enjoyable when we get closer and closer to God..^^
pohfang is absolutely correct on what he says.Hope I’ve found a new friend2day!!!!!!
Sometimes you find that Christians do not act the way Jesus would want them to, especially in church. It’s sad and a shame as we all sometimes fall into that same group.
As it says in the above caption, ‘why is it that some can’t find a good/close friend in church?’. I think it’s because we Christians think that people who come to church must be ‘perfect’, and if they are different, nobody likes to be their friend. Think about it. If Jesus came into your church, maybe in the form of a poor beggar or drug addict, would he find a close friend there…? Would people make him feel accepted and loved, or would he be turned away and rejected?…
The judgmental attitude of Christians is the reason why it’s so hard to have close relationships in a church community. I’ve experienced this….and it’s time we changed and put on a Christlike attitude.
Sometimes, I find that some Christians are judgmental too. I don’t think they mean it, but it is just the way some Christians are “trained” to talk sometimes. But i guess we need to understand that people aren’t perfect and that’s when we learn how to show love to one other. That would most likely be a testing that we need to go though in so that we can learn to love people at a deeper level. Learning to accept and forgive one another are assets to a long-lasting friendship in church
Friendship in the church its not difficult to find if the love of Christ is in your heart.
“For the love of Christ constraineth us;” (2 Cor 5:14 KJV)
Greetings bro & sis in Christ, the irony to really having good and sincere friendship in churches today is the result of Christians not being candid (real). Yes, we all professed that Christ is the Son of the Living God and to those who believed in Him are deemed to be saved and had received God’s eternal life. To many, that’s it…how often do you really see the majority of church members pouring their hearts out sincerely in serving God’s ministry and living a pure holy life? The truth is, most of us are in zone BED..Blame..Excuse..Deny. When one is so comfortable in the BED sleeping, its difficult to wake them up from their comfort zone hence I believe many Christians today are like that..getting them out from their comfort zone is going to be tough..what I really meant is, almost every Christians today do not live their lives in accordance to God’s will and we are somehow afraid that if we are really close to one another then our not so Christian life will be known, hence….just be friends will be fine ” truly good friends, e.h.h.h.h.h.h”…know what I’m as saying??? God bless
My closest friends bar one, go to my church, and I love being with them!
I have the same problem. Currently my husand, 10 yr. old daughter and I belong to a church, been attending there 2 1/2 years, seems like it’s hard to be accepted or made part of the group, even after 2 1/2 years, and we have gotten involved on my levels, with groups (marriage) and differenct ministries, but it seems like they have enough friends. My husband, and I have had church friends over for lunches and dinners, in hopes that these attempts would develop into close family ties, but sadly we were never invited to there homes and basicly we aren’t really invited to non-church activities, but they certainly call or agreely come to us when they need volunteers, so I’m really discourged, and have actually felt as though I could do without this community, and have thought about looking for a new church, but I’m not sure. I have prayed about it, and I haven’t really gotten any clear direction in my prayers over this matter. Any advice?
YoliSolano
I have the same prob. I usually feel i’m not sufficiently spiritual to be with an A or B.
For me, I believe in great friendship can be find in church. The question is whether do we want to take the first step because when no one take the first step, then there will be no result. Someone have to take the first step. If everyone waiting for someone to take the first step, then there will be no one giving and taking the first step to build the friendship.
And also do we willing to open up and transparent or not. Great friendship takes time because it doesn’t happen in a day. In the process of developing this great and good friendship, there will be times we will disagree with each other, argues, misunderstanding and etc. Choice is whether do we want to work it out or not together. Sometimes we may feel we are not so spiritual, then afraid of people will judge us. Then, I think may be this is something we need to let God deal with us? Because it is our own insecure.
I have a few really great, good and close friendship in my church. I can share anything and everything in my mind whether good or bad, I will just share, so that we can help each other even in this journey. I thank God for them being part of my life.
Of course, in church, no one are perfect. Some people may look good outside but inside may be different. We may think some people are hypocrites. But church are full of humans who need God. Each and everyone of us are moulding by God. So this including me and you. Instead of thinking bad about that person, sometimes confrontation is good if you know that person well.
So, good and close friendship can be found in church. Be bless =)